my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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