who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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