She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
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