you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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