I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
