He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
