It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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