Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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