Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize