So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
