if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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