Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
