Nicole vs. Life
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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