Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
