You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Its about making memories worth repressing
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
