I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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