My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
