a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
