AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
