WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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