there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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