I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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