dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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