how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
