So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
