Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
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