Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
