I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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