my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
this hospital has no fireball
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Randomize
