He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize
