DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
