p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
This toilet bowl is my home.
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