is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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