Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Randomize