Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
