I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
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