I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
