R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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