i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
