Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
