I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Randomize
