Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I currently don't understand fingers.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
