youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize