Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
