This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
