and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
you inspire me to be a worse person
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
