I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Randomize