tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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