If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
So gin and wine won't be happening again
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Randomize
