Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize