She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
