I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
