Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
