well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
