no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Two words: nipple clamps
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