i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
