So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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