A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
my being single is dangerous.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize