guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
