that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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