I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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