sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
