I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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