and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
