The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
You may now shotgun with the bride
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
