somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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