The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Someone signed my nipple.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
