he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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