So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
