I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Less talking, more tequila
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
