it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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