I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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