google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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