everyone is single if you try hard enough
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
