The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I understand Curling. That high.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize