is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
zippers are such a cool invention
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
