i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
i think i just lost a toe
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
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