no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
