Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
So much Jack, so little girl.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
