Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize