some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
