i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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