i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
