my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Randomize
