If i come over, it means nothing
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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