last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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