He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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