Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
