you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
