I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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