I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize