i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
