I think I won the penis lottery.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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