The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
That's how pantless uber rides happen
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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