Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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