i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
