Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
