I think I won the penis lottery.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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