fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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