Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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