hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
