he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
