The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
