is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
