I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
as a side note pls kill me
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
