I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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