3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
